biased. 

you are.  and iam, too. 

biased to what you know.  biased to what i am used to.

according to one of my graduate professors, marriage therapists who have been divorced themselves may be quicker tomove a couple toward separation and those who remain in first marriages, more resistant.  he cautioned - we must each be cautiously aware of own experience, and how it tends to influence our judgment.

so in this new age, experiential, large-group-awareness-programmed trend of operation that allows anyone to be a coach/counselor/mentor and everyone to be an expert – i find myself increasingly frustrated with the idea of “feedback.”

people loooove to give it.  like it’s some precious gift, or something.  yet  just plop it on your plate like the crappy food in a school cafeteria line  … you’re gonnalike it. 

(and once you get it, btw – you are screwed.  because whether you “eat it” or refuse it – you are judged to be either weak and ineffectual or stubbornly unaware).

last night, my daughter and i took a local yoga class.  i wanted and hoped for an ashtanga class.  after all, this is what i know and love.

it wasn’t.

instead, we did this whole hip and lunge series in place of my beloved standing postures.  and then, when familiar poses were introduced, the instructor had the audacity to change my hand  or foot placement.

i admit, my brain became a congested traffic jam with the rush of selfish opinions.

one aspect that WAS familiar was the temp.  a comfortable 80-85 degrees with only  moderate humidity!  yet, just as the coveted sweat beads took shape on my forehead, I noticed the student next to me roll up her mat to leave.

“it’s too hot in here.”

really??  students in dc would complain they were chilly in this room!  but this is montana …

a few minutes later, another student *advised* the instructor to open the window … stating it was far too hot for a yoga practice.the teacher succumbed - all the while, explaining the benefits of a more heated practice.   so which was it?

the breeze from the window was not enough.  student #2 left anyway.

meghan and i exchanged puzzled looks.  go figure!

was it too hot ? we certainly didn’t think so. but it’s really all you’re used to …

perhaps the more important question is, why does it effinmatter so much?  how much do a few degrees of difference in temperature or sequence really and truly matter?   i’m telling you, my fellow experts in opinion … 

... if there are so few set rules in life. why must we all vomit all over everyone else, our own interpretations of them?

you see, truth is so interwoven with personal experience, it is absolutely impossible to individuate its separate strands.  and the blending of the two is often, all we are able to see.

feedback isn’t the special gift … but objectivity is.

after many days of hiking, we left this class and my daughter said, “that wasn’t what i thought i wanted –but it sure was what my body needed.  I’m really glad we went.”  as was i.  it was a wonderful class - once i let go of all i thought i knew.

yea.  see what happens when you keep an open mind? you just might learn or gain something.  good thing we didn’t offer up our own brand as THE brand.

so might i suggest that the next time someone offers unsolicited advice or ignorantly packages their judgment as helpful feedback –you kindly ask them to bury their precious gift within the great divide on which they seat themselves upon. 

of course, keep in mind that this is just my own extremely biased opinion.

Played: 200 | Download | Duration: 01:30:56

live recording of last intermediate class at down dog yoga

why is saying good-bye so difficult?

it is an inevitable piece of life.  

chapters close.  waves complete.  for a new road to be taken, we must turn off the one we are on.

new chapters cannot open until the former is closed.  new waves form after the old ones complete.  and new roads bring along new opportunities, new experiences, and new territory. 

in our yoga practice, the sequence is designed so that the preceding asana leads and prepares us for the next.  it is intelligently designed to get us ready to move on.  in ashtanga yoga, when we come to a posture where we still struggle – we stay.  there is work to be done and openings to create. 

but once our work is complete in that stage – it is time to move forward as the next stage is about to unfold. 

 

odd how my work on my mat often mirrors my life.

 

i am at a new stage in my yoga.  i recently was added a new posture.  at first, i resisted.  i didn’t want to even practice it … i wanted to stay where i was, comfy and cozy.  so stay i did.  screw pasasana. i can’t do it anyway … its too hard.

but pasasana is the gateway to all those second series postures that bring in backbending … a bit of uncharted territory for me.  and i can't get there without it.

so then i had a new mindset.  i was going to take it on.  wrestle, conquer, and move on quickly.  not really interested in spending time in this transitioning stage and more willing to skip it entirely, actually, in order to move to the next.

 

damn that pasasana.  

a posture that represents one series concluding and the next one beginning.

 

so here i am. truth is, i’m ready to face this next phase.  but i have to make peace with the place i'm in now – which is allowing one era to conclude as the next unfolds.  it cannot be rushed … or skipped.

my daughter is getting ready to leave for college.  one chapter has closed and another exciting one is about to begin … soon - but not just yet. 

my friend is getting ready to move across the world.  she’s getting ready to journey on, but before, we will enjoy our final few moments of company.

they are both ready. everything they’ve each experienced in their lives up until this moment has prepared them for their next journey.  and i'm honored to be a part of that past.  but the next wave is forming in the distance – even as they ride this final one out.  we each can see it taking shape, but first  we must ride this one to its conclusion ... enjoy these final moments before swimming out to meet the one we are meant to ride next.

 my life also, is shifting in a new direction.

so you see, the battle i have formed on and off the mat, is all for naught.  fast forwarding to the next place or stalling the inevitable conclusion will do nothing except needlessly expend myenergy.  i will neither slow the change nor stop it.  because its not up to me.

yep - while i am wrestling with pasasana, the transformation to the next will occur around me – despite me.  i will have done nothing to stop it or speed it or change it.

better for me to take the time now to celebrate what has been and know that each of us has been prepared well for the uncharted journey that lies ahead. 

 

and no matter how hard that is - our good-byes transition us to our next place.

so we can choose to make it a struggle by wrestling or avoiding - 

or we can be in this glorious moment.

remembering what fun we had and relishing in the excitement of what's to come.

don't cry because it's over.  smile because it happened.  (dr. seuss)

 

i don’t think my mom dropped me on my head as a baby.

i haven’t had anyone significantly let me down … no tragic disappointments … or any other good reason to distrust.

so when andrei stoica invited me trapezing for his birthday, with the promise to “catch me” even – i was considering a list of excuses as to why i couldn’t make it.  unfortunately, i didn’t have any.

I moved on to kibitzing with my friend donna ... yea, no way am i gonna jump off that platform.  and if i do, what makes andrei think i’ll even let go of the bar – no less, let him “catch” me!  HA!

to which donna answered, in a perfectly zen master kind of way

“perhaps you should drop all your anticipation, your expectations … let some control go and just let whatever happens – happen.  in fact, i think it'd do you some good to let someone carry you, catch you as you fall, even.”

can you believe it? can you believe she used my own yoga BS on me?

ok – fact is, i’ve sadly come to realize that despite a relatively safe and supportive upbringing - i’ve got some real control issues.

i remember the first time a minister gobsmacked me with this piece of information.  he said, you know what your problem is?  (like i only have one.)  he pulls out a chair and tells me to sit down – but just before my arse hits the chair he tells me to hold it, hovering all my weight an inch above the seat.

“right there, that’s your problem.  you give the illusion of trust … you pretend you have faith… but all the while, you refuse to let God or anyone else carry you - and you never give up control.  tiring, don’t you think? so - just sit the hell down!”

“for once in your life, believe in a force greater than you. try taking a proverbial leap of faith and figure out, there WILL be someone there to catch you.”

i arrived at the trapeze school, greeted by an amazing support system.  friends who totally have my back.  and andrei, with his strong, capable arms.

all that was left was for me to let go.  hand it over.  believe in a strength other than my own.

as it turns out - it may have been andrei's birthday, but it was me who received the gift ... 

the gift of trust.  

thanks andrei!

Check out WelcomeOmDC and their post, how is trapeze a lot like a bank robbery!  and special thanks to their photographer, brandon, for his amazing images.

if it walks like a duck, 

quacks like a duck, 

looks like a duck, 

it must be a duck.k

if it looks like a duck ...

the yoga mat is not a fashion walk.  admittedly, i like wearing the latest colors along with the best of them while taking great pains to avoid pants that make my @ss look big(ger).

but, frankly, the attire we wear has begun to take on a life of it’s own as yoga classes that encourage individuality, simply display the masses of warriors in today’s latest uniform.  

i'm #1 offender - but just so long as you realize the costume don’t make the actor real.

if it quacks like a duck ...

so you know the language and not afraid to use it.

sure, you’re a vegan to uphold the principle of ahimsa (non-violence).  but if you shame the non-vegan, how is this ahimsa?

and i’m glad you understand satya - but if in one breath you profess your alignment in truth and the next shares this nugget of gossip ...

you see where i’m going, eh?  anyone can learn a few words of sanskrit, but can you stand on your head while reciting lines from the gita ...? actually, i still don't care.

i just want to know that what you say is from a place of compassionate and pure intention.

if it walks like a duck ...

that’s what i want to know.  do you walk your talk?  are the clothes just a costume - or do you really seek the life?

being a true yogi has nothing at all to do with appearance.  or the sutras you’ve memorized.  or <gasp> even the mat your carry.

and there should be no need to preach - for the steps we take in our own lives will ultimately speak for themselves.

for a true yogi will walk the waddle.  

“the glass is half empty,” states the pessimist.

“no silly, the glass is half full,” muses the optimist.

but the RADICAL OPTIMIST insists it is neither and nor - 

for the amount in the glass is what is and exactly what it should be.

next week, meet the outrageously faithful.