when the federal government shuts down - perhaps its a sign, you should too.  a snowy invitation to spend time with a person who begs for your undivided attention . . . you.

as a counselor, i’ve spent much of my time getting to know others, helping others develop their own self awareness.  because through this self knowledge comes the capacity to inspire and the ability to change. 

but how about me?  all those years as a counselor - and it wasn’t until yoga that i turned my loving attention within.  

svadhyaya - self study - is one of the chief elements of yoga.  without svadhyaya, we remain a slave to our ignorance, confusing false for the true, and a constant prisoner to our own misconceptions.    

to quote my teacher, doug keller:  to know your own self is freedom.

you ever find yourself in the same toxic relationship - different partner, but same story?  how about a job or financial situation?  perhaps it is an injury that always seems to reoccur.  the first step in breaking these destructive patterns, is awareness.  to know your own self is freedom.

on the other hand, have you yet realized the gift that makes you special?  a dream you hold sacred, a passion that burns bright within, a higher purpose for you and you alone?  to know your own self is freedom - freedom to become the person you were always meant to be.

i often encourage my students to keep a journal handy during their self practice.  peronally, i find my practice liberates so much of me i otherwise keep tucked away and hidden.  thoughts emerge, some in the form of inspiration and some in the form of just observation.  some are pleasant and some are actually not.  but in writing them down, i allow myself the opportunity to recognize first, then reflect upon them later ...

... in solitude and quiet.  some might call that meditation.  i don’t know that i’ve mastered that art, but i do spend time each day, alone in thoughtful consideration. a time i suspend all judgment with the sole purpose of listening and learning me.  

and in knowledge - comes freedom.  freedom to become the person i am divinely intended to be - and a person whose company i can enjoy in the empty moments.

become a diligent student of you.  you won't be disappointed!

personal coach, carolyn butcher is offering a course,

every second sunday called self-study 101: exploring your inner life)

for fun:  take the yoga personality quiz and find out what your yoga says about YOU!

you are so young, so much before all beginning, 
and I would like to beg you, dear sir, 
as well as I can, 
to have patience with everything unresolved in your heart 
and to try to love the questions themselves 
as if they were locked rooms 
or books written in a very foreign language. 

don't search for the answers, 
which could not be given to you now, 
because you would not be able to live them. 

and the point is, to live everything. 
live the questions now. 
perhaps then, someday far in the future, 
you will gradually, 
without even noticing it, 
live your way into the answers.

rainer maria rilke, letters to a young poet

no one's ever crossed the ocean 

     ~ alanna kaivalya

maybe its time that holds you back - then make time.
or fear - in which case, do it anyway.
or money - begin to set aside what you need, today.

sail on silver girl, 
sail on by 
your time has come to shine 
all your dreams are on their way 

simon & garfunkle

intuition is that instinctive knowing that cannot be linked directly to what our five senses tell us.  it is an understanding so deep that it can cause great angst in both the rational mind and the longing heart.

but once recognized, it can quell the greatest storm.

a friend came to me the other day with a decision she was struggling with.  currently in a relationship that her rational mind warns against.  a difference in age and life stages, its demise.  and yet, there is great affection and joy that they currently enjoy together.

her rational mind says to end now, and save herself heartache later.  her heart says stay, give love a chance . . . 

my friend says her intuition is all messed up - but that's only because she is mistaking her mind and her heart for intuition - and intuition is neither.  because once intuition has spoken, both the mind and the heart will bow to its truth.  

and her intuition has not yet made itself known.  

how do i know?  because there is still struggle.  and in that struggle, the intuitive self sits as an observer - waiting for the golden silence of opportunity.  the time has not come.  the answer is still yet to unfold.  

when intuition speaks, there is no struggle- there is only calm.  doubt falls away and a sense of peace is replaced.  

think back to a time you just *knew* - - - you couldn't explain how.  you didn't know why.  and no one else's opinion mattered.  i admit, it doesn't happen often.  but when it does, its so powerful that it overrides all else.  

but you see, here's the secret:  

intuition only speaks once you have relinquished your own drive towards an outcome.  

perhaps the voice of intuition is really that of God - a divine source of knowledge.  but one that gets drowned out by the constant banter, or squelched beneath the trampling of our own will being carried out.  

i'm not sure.

i do know that when divine wisdom, an unexplained knowing, or an answer unfolds - it comes in peace and in comfort.  there is no battle - no struggle.  and for an instance, you are reassured for the outcome no longer bears such significance and no matter what, it is what was right all along.

today, take some time to be quiet.  give your mind and your heart a chance to rest.  for just a few moments, let go of the quest to find answers.  offer up your will in favor of one that is greater.  wiser.  omniscient.

ssssshhh.  did you hear that?  that just may be truth speaking . . .  

monday's mantra:  i see you

i see you.

i see you.

thy neighbor as thyself ...  namaste ...  i see you ...

instead, a mantra that could truly change our world - if we dare.

so you say you want a revolution - well you know

we’d all want to change the world

~the beatles 

it’s a new year and I am in a fervent search for a new me.

because, the old me is out.  *out* - like myspace.  *out* - like tiger woods.  and as my daughter informs me, *out* - like cardigans.

no worries, because apparently i can join a movement. a revolution.  and in anywhere from one week to 40 days, i can be transformed into someone healthy, happy, and successful. 

who knew?

ok, so yes.  i’m poking a little fun at all the trite phrases, packaged gimmicks, and tempting promises of renewal that sells off the shelves faster than cabbage patch dolls in the 80’s.

.....................................................................................

monday, i had the honor of practicing under the guidance of sri dharma mittra. after our yoga practice, he opened up a discussion and welcomed our questions.  one man asked a very fair question:  how come growth cannot sustain itself?  why the inevitable setbacks?

admittedly, the wholesetback thing annoys me too.

dharma suggested perhaps it is our own impatience and tendency toward the sensational that trips us up so often.

its well documented how sri dharma mittra met his teacher guru in 1958, then immersed himself in intensive study and a full time practice of karma yoga.  dharma gave up meat, alcohol, and cigarettes, cold turkey (pardon the pun) – he was immediately transformed.

in fact, dharma’s rapid and immediate growth left his brother, a longer student of yoga, eating his proverbial dust. a fact dharma made sure his brother took note of – you know … as brothers do. 

unfortunately, just one year later found dharma – in all his growth and glory – back to his original sins of drinking and smoking and going to movies.  (I am not sure where going to movies rates in all this, but this is dharma’s story so I’ve included.)

yet dharma’s brother was still on the path – and making steady progress.  baby steps forward ... but forward, just the same.

not sensational results – but consistent ones, instead.

coincidentally, on tuesday evening, I took a jivamutki class with dechen thurman – who began his warm up sequence by having us crawl. that’s right, crawl.  he was driving home a point:  research shows that babies who crawl have better gross and fine muscle development – and parents who push their kids to walk early and skip crawling, often struggle with poor balance later.

the lesson?  run now – fall later.  but crawl now - and perhaps, one day, walk.

as a culture, we seem to be hooked on the fast and furious, while overlooking the subtleties.  we are weekend spiritual warriors and suckers for a quick fixes and clichés.  

you see, i can’t remember the moment my heals touched the mat in downward dog.  no angels sang when it happened.  i don’t remember the exact time i stopped carrying an old hurt or harboring a righteous anger. and i'm positive i didn't find my life's love in one date.

because most likely, these were series of moments on a continuous path.  not confined to a weekend … or 6 weeks … or for a new year. 

dramatic change can neither be trusted nor strived for.  actually, truth be known - i don't want to be transformed, for there is much of me I love.

no, I think what I will look for this new year is a refining.  perhaps just polish myself up a bit. no grandiose intentions that will leave me disillusioned and stumbling later. but rather, something I know I can stick to all 365 days of this year - and the next.

so join me in as i offer cheers to the tortoise. may we all take his lead and may our 2010 be a year filled ordinary subtleties and lots of slow and predictable progress . . . crawling all the way.

i wished i loved christmas. 

i wish i enjoyed the hustle and bustle . . . the merriment in a box . . . the great anticipation of a single day . . .  

 . . . but the truth is - i don’t. 

i do love giving gifts – thoughtfully.  and i appreciate receiving – randomly.  i enjoy getting together with family and friends – regularly, and for no occasion other than wanting to catch up.

but this race to one day, a destination, a place where expectations rule and i am thus subjugated . . . it leaves me feeling rather weary. defeated. and not in the slightest bit, merry.

for the memories i make with my family and friends are not relegated to a single occasion – but rather occur throughout our days and years.

so a note to all my family and friends that should happen upon this posting.  i realize not everyone feels this way about the holiday – though I suspect far more than i’d imagine, do.  therefore, i will dutifully join the shopping mayhem and support an economic recovery.  and I will appreciate your effort to do the same for me.

but don’t you dare expect me to confine my generosity to a single day. 

instead, expect to hear from me regularly.  look forward to random notes and thoughtful gifts and lunches out, in the many months to come.  do not presume I am going to save my adoration for a lone, cold day in December. 

(God, the above goes to you too.)

and if you make me this same promise, allowing kindness and togetherness to be spread beyond a singular place in time - perhaps then, and only then, i will begin to embrace the essence, if not the day, of christmas once more.

ho. ho. ho.  

P.S.  here's another holiday perspective by starla king **can't wrap this** - -  she's right, you know.  the gifts most valuable, are also unwrappable.  

               There he stood.  A little boy - just a few years younger than my own 12-year old son.

            It was one of the coldest days of the year that we’ve had thus far – and yet this little boy wore no coat.  His jeans were ripped and hung just above his ankles, and he had been standing with his mom for an hour – waiting for our train to arrive.  The Toys for Tots Train.

            This little boy was not alone.  He was surrounded by hundreds of other children and families just like him.  All of them waiting for Santa – dressed in Marine Dress Blues.

            And at each stop, Marines and volunteers walked into the crowd and delivered a new toy, a warm coat, and gloves to the gathered children.  While at the same time, a Marine Reserve Crew unloaded huge black bags filled with toys for local agencies and churches to distribute.

             But this little boy broke my heart.  I was just about to get back on the train when I saw him – his eyes rimmed with tears.  His hands, empty. 

             I heard him say, “Santa forgot me.”

            The bugle was playing, which was my cue to get back on board.  But I couldn’t leave him like that.  And luckily – I didn’t have to. 

             A Marine found me and immediately knew my dilemma.  He yelled on board and next thing I knew – there was an electric toy set just for this little boy.

            But that’s what these guys do.   In fact, for over 62 years, the U.S.Marine Corp Toys for Tots program has made it its mission to leave no singleneedy child empty-handed at Christmas.

            So what would you do if I told you I just got off the phone with SSgt. Gordon, our Toys for Tots coordinator here in Northern Virginia and he is right now scrambling – trying to make sure he doesn’t run out of toys before he runs outof children who need them?

            Because that is exactly the case.  This economy has hit our area hard, so while the need is greater – toy donations are down. 

            I cannot bear the thought of even one child uttering the words, “Santa forgot me.”  Not ever again.

            Please, please help.  Right now, a child needs your help desperately.

            Lululemon Athletica has put up a drop box in their Tyson’s Corner Location.  The donations dropped off here will go directly the Marine Unit in Quantico for immediate distribution in our very own neighborhoods.

            Please, as a yoga community, let us rally together to make sure every needy child living in Northern Virginia gets a toy this Christmas. 

             One new toy is all it will take to make the difference to a child who would have otherwise been forgotten.

            Because it’s not just a toy to a child, it’s a sign of love and a signal of hope. 

             If you are unable to make it to Tyson's Corner to drop off a new toy for a needy child, please feel free to bring to me on Friday night (Down Dog Yoga in Georgetown), this week or next, and I will make sure it makes it into the box.

            If we all chipped in just one toy, think of the difference we could make.

            Every child deserves a Christmas.