monday's mantra
"practice is easy when the sun is on your back and your belly is full . . . "
but when rain falls around us, and we starve for validation - our practice is hard. a struggle, indeed.
the practice is not the one that takes place on a mat - but off. it is in the way we treat others.
though, we strive to make others our focus - our nature is to remain first and foremost, centered on self. we strive to fulfill our own happiness. it is our destiny, after all.
it is our sincere hope that what makes us immediately happy will not impede another's happiness, but what happens when it does?
easy to say we consider the needs of another . . . when another's needs don't conflict with your own.
practice is easy when the sun is on your back and your belly is full . . .
i think back to the sharp, intense pain of a close friend's betrayal. so hurtful, i still struggle to consider anything other than my pain. she had acted in a way that brought her immediate pleasure. attained, regardless of price.
and it sucked. really rotten, as those things go. but the longer i remain wrapped in my own cocoon, centered only on myself, it becomes me who loses my practice. and me, who loses my way.
looking back, i recognize that my friend was merely hungry and driven to feed feelings of doubt and insecurity. her faith shaken, she could only focus on her own repair. i say this not to excuse, but to understand.
because when we come to our practice from a place of lacking, we will often allow feelings of anxiety, jealousy, doubt, and insecurity to be the guides of our daily practice. we act in ways that bring us the pleasure we hunger for, and shelter us from the pain we fear. and we react in ways that may shield our self and cover up that which makes us so unsure.
but its not that we move forward with the intention to damage another - its simply that we desperately want to be happy and whole. and we are fooled into thinking this the only way.
its not, you know. because in sunshine and in rain, our practice is in how we treat others. its just easier in the sunshine.
practice is easy when the sun is on your back and your belly is full . . .
yet who is hungry now? as it is me who now clings to feelings of inadequacy and shame. who has shrouded herself in a hardened shell we call anger. designed to protect - but doing nothing of the sort.
today, my practice is hard. but it is good, too.
because today i get to put into practice compassion and forgiveness. it is a choice, after all. not an easy one, but one i can make. to trade the wounds i am nursing, for eyes of understanding. and perhaps in my effort to look beyond my self, i might be granted the grace and loving kindness to forgive someone else. despite the rain. despite my hunger.
and i may once again soon practice . . .
. . . with the sun on my back . . .
. . . and my belly full.
Posted by peg mulqueen at 12/7/2009 4:37 PM 
Categories: buddhism, zen, forgiveness
Tags: zen healing life lessons doubt scars as momentos monday's mantra
Categories: buddhism, zen, forgiveness
Tags: zen healing life lessons doubt scars as momentos monday's mantra
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