so you say you want a revolution - well you know

we’d all want to change the world

~the beatles 

it’s a new year and I am in a fervent search for a new me.

because, the old me is out.  *out* - like myspace.  *out* - like tiger woods.  and as my daughter informs me, *out* - like cardigans.

no worries, because apparently i can join a movement. a revolution.  and in anywhere from one week to 40 days, i can be transformed into someone healthy, happy, and successful. 

who knew?

ok, so yes.  i’m poking a little fun at all the trite phrases, packaged gimmicks, and tempting promises of renewal that sells off the shelves faster than cabbage patch dolls in the 80’s.

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monday, i had the honor of practicing under the guidance of sri dharma mittra. after our yoga practice, he opened up a discussion and welcomed our questions.  one man asked a very fair question:  how come growth cannot sustain itself?  why the inevitable setbacks?

admittedly, the wholesetback thing annoys me too.

dharma suggested perhaps it is our own impatience and tendency toward the sensational that trips us up so often.

its well documented how sri dharma mittra met his teacher guru in 1958, then immersed himself in intensive study and a full time practice of karma yoga.  dharma gave up meat, alcohol, and cigarettes, cold turkey (pardon the pun) – he was immediately transformed.

in fact, dharma’s rapid and immediate growth left his brother, a longer student of yoga, eating his proverbial dust. a fact dharma made sure his brother took note of – you know … as brothers do. 

unfortunately, just one year later found dharma – in all his growth and glory – back to his original sins of drinking and smoking and going to movies.  (I am not sure where going to movies rates in all this, but this is dharma’s story so I’ve included.)

yet dharma’s brother was still on the path – and making steady progress.  baby steps forward ... but forward, just the same.

not sensational results – but consistent ones, instead.

coincidentally, on tuesday evening, I took a jivamutki class with dechen thurman – who began his warm up sequence by having us crawl. that’s right, crawl.  he was driving home a point:  research shows that babies who crawl have better gross and fine muscle development – and parents who push their kids to walk early and skip crawling, often struggle with poor balance later.

the lesson?  run now – fall later.  but crawl now - and perhaps, one day, walk.

as a culture, we seem to be hooked on the fast and furious, while overlooking the subtleties.  we are weekend spiritual warriors and suckers for a quick fixes and clichés.  

you see, i can’t remember the moment my heals touched the mat in downward dog.  no angels sang when it happened.  i don’t remember the exact time i stopped carrying an old hurt or harboring a righteous anger. and i'm positive i didn't find my life's love in one date.

because most likely, these were series of moments on a continuous path.  not confined to a weekend … or 6 weeks … or for a new year. 

dramatic change can neither be trusted nor strived for.  actually, truth be known - i don't want to be transformed, for there is much of me I love.

no, I think what I will look for this new year is a refining.  perhaps just polish myself up a bit. no grandiose intentions that will leave me disillusioned and stumbling later. but rather, something I know I can stick to all 365 days of this year - and the next.

so join me in as i offer cheers to the tortoise. may we all take his lead and may our 2010 be a year filled ordinary subtleties and lots of slow and predictable progress . . . crawling all the way.