when my daughter received early admissions into her top choice for college, the decision was easy:  that’s where she would go.

two months later, she received another letter of admissions - from her other top choice.

now she’s confused.  she is full of doubt.  the decision that seemed easy months ago, now troubles her.

and not because the first college is far away and the second is close!  but because now she will have to examine her choices.  she will have to think critically about both.  she will question her motives, her desires, her priorities, and her vision for the future.

because this is what doubt does - it makes us question.  
and questioning does not weaken our choices - it strengthens them.

my friend came to me the other day, questioning some feedback she’d received.  it made her question herself . . . her ability . . . and it shook her confidence.  after a week of struggling with insecurity and uncertainty, what she discovered is the criticism she was offered had less to do with her - and more to do with the giver.

but it took a week of questioning.  and after that week - she emerged with a clearer image of who she is.  and who she is not.  

i remember when i asked my college professor for a recommendation into graduate school. she said, “you are not graduate school material.”

that one sentence stopped me in my tracks.  apprehension and insecurity set in.  though i was no model student early on, i felt like i had turned a corner and my education had taken on new meaning.  i hadn’t considered i may not have what it took.

because of that professor, i had to stop and examine.  the questions were agonizing and the doubt was powerful and painful.  i actually did not go right on to graduate school as i had initially planned.

but when i did, my resolve was so strong - i ended up graduating with nearly a perfect GPA.  and later, a post-graduate career with a similar outcome.  seems i may have been “graduate school material” after all.

when i’ve shared this story, incredulous friends urge me to track her down and share with her my story.  show her how wrong she was.

but wrong, how?  she caused me to question and to doubt.  and in the end, i credit her with the drive and confidence i acquired.  without that hesitation that she instilled, i would never have developed such firm resolve.

did you know that mother teresa admitted she never ceased harboring some small doubt of God’s existence?  considering her life’s magnitude of work - did this make her less faithful . . . or more?!

so i know when your relationship ended, it caused you to question your worth.  and i know when you left your job, your whole identity was challenged.  you thought you wanted to get married, but when the date neared, doubt became crippling.  and as a parent, there have been many a time you have seriously wondered if you can do anything right.

yea, well . . . bring it on!

because while you wonder and question, through the struggle of your doubt, you will find these to be opportunities to deepen your understanding of who you are and who you’d like to be.  without these opportunities, your faith and confidence holds far less meaning.

so meg - if you are reading this, i want you to know how lucky you are to be questioning your choice and how blessed you are to hold reservations.

struggle a little and welcome the challenge.

because in the end, there is no real right or wrong.  only the opportunity to become clearer by gathering information that will help you know yourself better.  

after all, it has nothing to do with either college.  (or that relationship or job, for that matter).  rather, it has everything to do with knowing who you are and evolving into who you want to be.

no college will teach you this.  

you’re learning it right now.