i don’t think my mom dropped me on my head as a baby.

i haven’t had anyone significantly let me down … no tragic disappointments … or any other good reason to distrust.

so when andrei stoica invited me trapezing for his birthday, with the promise to “catch me” even – i was considering a list of excuses as to why i couldn’t make it.  unfortunately, i didn’t have any.

I moved on to kibitzing with my friend donna ... yea, no way am i gonna jump off that platform.  and if i do, what makes andrei think i’ll even let go of the bar – no less, let him “catch” me!  HA!

to which donna answered, in a perfectly zen master kind of way

“perhaps you should drop all your anticipation, your expectations … let some control go and just let whatever happens – happen.  in fact, i think it'd do you some good to let someone carry you, catch you as you fall, even.”

can you believe it? can you believe she used my own yoga BS on me?

ok – fact is, i’ve sadly come to realize that despite a relatively safe and supportive upbringing - i’ve got some real control issues.

i remember the first time a minister gobsmacked me with this piece of information.  he said, you know what your problem is?  (like i only have one.)  he pulls out a chair and tells me to sit down – but just before my arse hits the chair he tells me to hold it, hovering all my weight an inch above the seat.

“right there, that’s your problem.  you give the illusion of trust … you pretend you have faith… but all the while, you refuse to let God or anyone else carry you - and you never give up control.  tiring, don’t you think? so - just sit the hell down!”

“for once in your life, believe in a force greater than you. try taking a proverbial leap of faith and figure out, there WILL be someone there to catch you.”

i arrived at the trapeze school, greeted by an amazing support system.  friends who totally have my back.  and andrei, with his strong, capable arms.

all that was left was for me to let go.  hand it over.  believe in a strength other than my own.

as it turns out - it may have been andrei's birthday, but it was me who received the gift ... 

the gift of trust.  

thanks andrei!

Check out WelcomeOmDC and their post, how is trapeze a lot like a bank robbery!  and special thanks to their photographer, brandon, for his amazing images.