biased. 

you are.  and iam, too. 

biased to what you know.  biased to what i am used to.

according to one of my graduate professors, marriage therapists who have been divorced themselves may be quicker tomove a couple toward separation and those who remain in first marriages, more resistant.  he cautioned - we must each be cautiously aware of own experience, and how it tends to influence our judgment.

so in this new age, experiential, large-group-awareness-programmed trend of operation that allows anyone to be a coach/counselor/mentor and everyone to be an expert – i find myself increasingly frustrated with the idea of “feedback.”

people loooove to give it.  like it’s some precious gift, or something.  yet  just plop it on your plate like the crappy food in a school cafeteria line  … you’re gonnalike it. 

(and once you get it, btw – you are screwed.  because whether you “eat it” or refuse it – you are judged to be either weak and ineffectual or stubbornly unaware).

last night, my daughter and i took a local yoga class.  i wanted and hoped for an ashtanga class.  after all, this is what i know and love.

it wasn’t.

instead, we did this whole hip and lunge series in place of my beloved standing postures.  and then, when familiar poses were introduced, the instructor had the audacity to change my hand  or foot placement.

i admit, my brain became a congested traffic jam with the rush of selfish opinions.

one aspect that WAS familiar was the temp.  a comfortable 80-85 degrees with only  moderate humidity!  yet, just as the coveted sweat beads took shape on my forehead, I noticed the student next to me roll up her mat to leave.

“it’s too hot in here.”

really??  students in dc would complain they were chilly in this room!  but this is montana …

a few minutes later, another student *advised* the instructor to open the window … stating it was far too hot for a yoga practice.the teacher succumbed - all the while, explaining the benefits of a more heated practice.   so which was it?

the breeze from the window was not enough.  student #2 left anyway.

meghan and i exchanged puzzled looks.  go figure!

was it too hot ? we certainly didn’t think so. but it’s really all you’re used to …

perhaps the more important question is, why does it effinmatter so much?  how much do a few degrees of difference in temperature or sequence really and truly matter?   i’m telling you, my fellow experts in opinion … 

... if there are so few set rules in life. why must we all vomit all over everyone else, our own interpretations of them?

you see, truth is so interwoven with personal experience, it is absolutely impossible to individuate its separate strands.  and the blending of the two is often, all we are able to see.

feedback isn’t the special gift … but objectivity is.

after many days of hiking, we left this class and my daughter said, “that wasn’t what i thought i wanted –but it sure was what my body needed.  I’m really glad we went.”  as was i.  it was a wonderful class - once i let go of all i thought i knew.

yea.  see what happens when you keep an open mind? you just might learn or gain something.  good thing we didn’t offer up our own brand as THE brand.

so might i suggest that the next time someone offers unsolicited advice or ignorantly packages their judgment as helpful feedback –you kindly ask them to bury their precious gift within the great divide on which they seat themselves upon. 

of course, keep in mind that this is just my own extremely biased opinion.