i’m in one of those moods today … as a dark blanket of quiet reflection covers my being, begging me to keep company with my own thoughts as they stream into my consciousness.

frankly – i hate these days.  my thoughts are the last things i want to spend a day mingling with.

trust me.  it's crowded in there and with no great words of wisdom.  no parade of inspiration.  so if you’ve come here to be uplifted, i’m afraid today’s not the day.

so why do it?  why dim the distractions and cave to the dark?  why bed down with all that i grieve and rue and fear?

because, believe it or not – here is where i most often find God. 

i feel bad about this.  i do try to give thanks for all that is good in my life – i have an abundance.  i try to remember to give praise for the love and the light i encounter nearly every minute of every day.

but i fall far short of the woman i should be. 

and instead, i meet God in my heart’s deepest unanswered questions and in the most desperate and darkest of hours.  and rather than shower with gratitude – i pester for answers never revealed.

when I am most fragile and in need,
it was then, it seemed, God came closest.

(St. Teresa of Avila)

but God does respond, even if not in the way i had hoped.  i feel the loving arms wrap around my soul, like a mother does for a child after a bad dream.  it’s going to be alright, God says.  I forgive you. i love you.  and you are perfect just the way you are, because – as you may have heard – i don’t make mistakes.

i don’t mind that i’m more likely to hear from my daughter when she is sick, or worried, or sad.  I don’t take offense that i am the one she loves to lean on – and dump on. 

you see, those darker moments offer me the greatest gift to be able to demonstrate my love and devotion – and to remind her of all that she is.

just as God longs for those opportunities.

i say to her, it’s going to be alright.  i forgive you.  i love you.  you are perfect just the way you are.

so if i seem a little quiet today – it’s only because the darkness of the moon has reminded me there’s some place i need to go.  like i said, i don’t go there often and it’s not a place i love to hang out.

but one thing i DO know … is i won’t be alone when i get there.

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