it always puzzles me when teachers say, come to your mat as a beginner … bring nothing, knowing nothing. etc. etc.  

there’s the story of the student whose cup was so full, anything the teacher offered spilled right out.  (trite, i know, but we teachers tell it again and again as if we understand and live it.  which we don’t.  or i don’t.)

when i’m practicing my ashtanga, i know just how far in the series i’m going (kapotasana).  there’s no real true wonder.  i’ve had to memorize it, for crying out loud. 

and if i’m in bikram, it’s the same 26 i’ve done a hundred times.  even in other yoga classes, let's face it - i’ve been practicing for over 10 years.  i’m simply not a beginner.

and before you throw your stone - i’m not alone either.  i’m watching my friends drop like flies with a bum wrist, torn hammy, busted knee

you’d think it’d be all the newbies getting beat up.  but no.  the ignorant remain blissful while the pros break a leg.

today, i found myself back on my mat after a doctor ordered hiatus.  and i struggled.  a lot.  but i’ve already journeyed this part of the road – a few times, actually.  and i’m quite familiar with the rules of getting back in the game.

i was forgiving with myself.  i took it slow and stayed steady.  i paid attention to how my body was feeling and reacted accordingly.  i had no breakthroughs (or breakdowns) – in fact the whole 90 minutes was pretty ordinary … and wonderful.

and i realized that THIS is what’s been missing.  when forced back to the starting gate, i remember what it is i keep leaving behind. 

for it’s not so much what i know -  but more about what i keep forgetting.

freed from the shoulds and the coulds i accumulate from experience, i think i finally understood the mind of the beginner.  and suddenly, it didn't seem all so trite. 

this is what the beginner already knows ...

• pace yourself.  for the beginner, there is no race, only steps … and often, baby steps. leaps and bounds are for rabbits and hares, and you and i both know how that story ends.

• take rest.  a weary body is a yellow light.  you can heed the warning and stop – or risk the expense of speeding on through. when the novice is tired, she takes a break.  while those with experience tend to give it one last push. 

• be mindful.  because the beginner is constantly in learning mode – there is no choice than to pay attention to what is happening in each moment, as it occurs.  the luxury idiocy of checking out is reserved for those who think they can get away with it.

• remain open.  someone who knows everything - cannot learn anything.