like the time i decided not to renew my contract with the school system - and no job to take it’s place.

like the time i walked away from a stable, long-term relationship - just because something didn’t feel right …

… and then married a man i’d known less than a year - because he DID feel right.  (and couldn't feel more right, now years later.)

i had an “oh shit” moment the day i sent my youngest to kindergarten - and then my oldest to college. 

there were more - and many more to come.  because it seems every time i make any monumental decision – including jumping off that cliff in costa rica (ok, tall hill) and into the water – panic surges and all i can think is - oh shit!

pretty profound, eh?

i wish i could trust ... simply believe my own words of faith.  but doubt launches it's painful attack and makes me question a truth i know deeper than words.

these terrifying twists of fate strike most often in the spring.  maybe it’s because those months symbolize a newness and rebirth.  a chance to clean up.  an opportunity to plant those new seeds of growth. 

and if you follow astrology (which i generally didn’t until this year, when mercury’s supposed retrograde left me mute - or sorry i wasn't) – you know that this month’s (now-dwarf) planet gone retro is pluto.  pluto is apparently the (now-dwarf) planet of destruction and regeneration. and for the next six months, we are to be reflecting and re-examining.  and that's the kind of awareness that inevitably leads to some crazy life changes. 

oh shit!

what we know is comforting and secure - even if not fulfilling.

  taking the plunge is scary as hell - but sometimes there's just no other way.

and yet, when i think back to all those times i jumped in - or out … i don’t regret a single one.  because one oh shit moment after another has led me to this place from which i write you now.  and let me tell you, the view sure don’t suck.

trading the secure job with a cushy title for the hippie yoga togs i don now, was one of the scariest best decisions i ever made.  and finding the love of your life is not something anyone generally regrets!

if taking the risk to find happiness and having the courage to make big changes was easy then everyone would be doing it.  and from what i can see, not nearly enough do.

so if right now you just jumped off your proverbial cliff ... then oh shit! is right.  … and good for you!  you are one of the few, the brave - the renegades ready to risk safety for your life, your love, your dreams. 

but careful ... you might just find your wings and discover within you the ability to fly.

**dedicated to all my friends who are out there making change ... taking risks ... facing down fears ... and chasing down dreams!  jai!